Human Talk # 2 Who is the strongest: The ones who express all their feelings openly or the ones who always smiles even amidst being depressed themselves?

We as humans always like those who treat us well. Especially the ones who make us feel special & valued and the ones who always smiles at us and show kindness. But have you ever thought, what may be going inside that person: How did he/she learn to be so kind and how can they smile always? Did they have that trait right from birth or they have acquired it seeing others doing it or are they doing it because they know the value of kindness and love!!

They might have been in situations where they desperately wished for a lovely gesture or a kind listener, which they never got then. They might be still carrying the pain of those experiences, still depressed over it. But since they know the value of Kindness & love, they may try their best to give it to others. At what expense they might be doing that is the most concerning question.

Doesn’t mean that everybody is like this. There will be many who are genuinely so happy and who loves to spread happiness and kindness. We are talking about the group, who are suffering from inside, but won’t show it outside and meanwhile even try to make others happy.

So, who is the strongest: The ones who are happy inside & spreading happiness or the ones who are suffering inside and still trying to spread happiness & kindness??  

Let me tell you the story of Samantha, someone whose memories still hurts whenever I think about her. I met Samantha when I was working in a metro city in India. A typical Punjabi girl with almost 6 ft height and the built of a man. Yet she was feminity at its best. She was almost my age and pursuing her third Post graduate program when I met her. She already had LLB, BBA, MBA and MSc under her belt and was currently pursuing her MSW. And we met for the first time, while she was trying to be a part of the social service (CSR) initiative of my company since it was needed for her project work.

I was handling those projects, so she was sent to me with her presentation and for the next one hour, she talked nonstop about her ambitions about the project and how she can help us in that. I actually wondered how can somebody remain so active with the same energy level for so long. I was very curious to know more about her. But I was running late for a meeting, so gave my contact details and told her that she will be informed about the selection in a week. Then I got busy with other meetings and by evening when I checked my mobile, there was a message from Samantha asking whether it was possible to have dinner together. Normally I avoid such situations because I always prefer to play safe and avoid situations which may land me in trouble. But for some reason, I couldn’t say No or avoid the message. I messaged YES and the next second she called me and fixed the location and timing. I was very curious and excited at the same time to meet her.

We met at the location as fixed by her, which was one of the famous poolside resto. We got seated comfortably. She was wearing a yellow floral single piece long skirt and I could see everybody’s eyes on her when we were walking. But she was not bothered. After initial chit chats, I asked her “ Why so may qualifications “.She laughed and said, the moment I stop studying, my family will get me married. She told that hers is a big business family in Punjab with many industries and business under their belt. She was the only kid and ultimately the only heir to all these. So they were looking forward to get her married and give the business to both of them. She didn’t want to get married and reached a final agreement with family like “ Till you want to study you study. Once you are done with studies, then marriage “ and hence she was choosing one course after the other.

We had a very good time together and many more like that and within the next few months, due to some circumstances, she moved into my apartment. I was a bachelor and had a single bedroom flat then, So we used to share the same bed. My friends used to pull my legs, most of the time out of jealousy. All they could see and say was how gorgeous she was and what all we might be doing in bed 😊

But the fact was we had a special relation, something which was tough to understand for an outsider. We used to kiss each other, but that was the kiss of a friend. We used to hug each other and sleep, without the slightest sexual feeling. I still remember coming fully drenched in rain one night, and getting drunk, and hugging & sleeping and realizing in the morning that we are naked.  She used to tell me all kind of sexual tips. I used to do everything for her, including the most private of the things. We were like the best soul partners, one soul and one body.

She had a lot of very short relations in between and I was still playing the role of a broken heart Romeo, over a love failure I had three years ago. And then I had to move to another city. I left the apartment to her and moved out. She visited me a few times after that, we had a blast whenever she came except the last time I met her. She asked me a few questions casually then, to which I replied and then she left.

We never met after that. All the questions she asked me when we met last time, and the reason why we haven’t met after that, still rings in my ear and hurts me a lot. But let me share that in the next part…  

Till then questions to think over :  

Is there any chance that Samantha was hiding her emotions?  

What may be the reason why we never met after her last visit, which happened almost 12 years ago??  

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship like this between a man & a lady ??