Love is one of the most complicated and at the same time, the simplest feeling we as humans experience. Greeks had tried to differentiate love/lovers in their own way into eight different ways based on the way it is expressed and reacted upon. For example, they had discussed Eros, which is romantic or sexual love and Pragma, which is enduring love and almost opposite of Eros. No matter how they are defined, there is no dispute over the fact that wars had been fought in the name of love and at the same time people had sacrificed everything for love.

Psychologists say that there are ideally three components of love-Intimacy, Passion and Commitment. The intensity may vary and of course, there is no mandate that all of these should be present in a love relation too. As per them, each should be present and in a balanced form.

All of us may have already used familiar words like infatuation, liking and obsession, from our adulthood. All these can be understood well from checking how the combination of intimacy, passion and commitment is working in it.

Let us examine some of the familiar love relations we have heard or experienced:

Infatuation or at times “Love at first sight “: Passion will be strong and intense. But intimacy and commitment may be totally missing.

Romance: Intimacy and passion may be high, but rarely combined with a commitment

Liking: Intimacy will be there and maybe strong too. But passion and commitment may be totally missing.

Fatuous love happens due to strong physical attraction and normally will have a strong passion and a weak commitment, but there will be very little or no intimacy.

Empty love: Something which is getting very common in marital relations now. Only commitment will be present. Passion and intimacy may be completely missing.

Compassionate love: intimacy and commitment will be very strong, but passion may be missing.

Ideal love: Passion, Intimacy and commitment are equally present and balanced. Anyone who is in ideal love will take the role of best friend and lover for each other.

Also, anyone in any of these love relations can be either totally dependent on each other or interdependent or completely independent and living parallel lives.

You are very lucky and blessed if you are going through and experiencing ideal love. But many of us will not be in that state. So, what can help us in enduring the love relation we have right now. Let us check about passion first. It is not easy to be passionate suddenly if you don’t feel that physical attraction to your partner or feel to be intimate with them. But then is it easy to have an Intimacy? It may be comparatively easy, provided you are emotionally connected to him/her, and you have good trust in them. You will truly wish them to be happy and it may be comparatively easier to improve your intimacy if you really want to. And about commitment. Do you feel it is easy to improve your commitment in the relation ?? for me, from my experience, is the most complicated part of any love relation? Commitment normally comes from deep inside. No matter how desperately you try with your conscious mind, commitment will not happen, if your subconscious mind is not willing to accept it.

Passion, intimacy and commitment have their own role to play in a love relationship. It is meaningless to say that one is more important than the other. The only important thing is to be aware of what is present and its intensity and what is not present.

And there is the case of unrequited love, especially the ones which is carried from past lives. This may program your thought process and stimulate attracting people into your life. We will discuss it in detail next time.

Let me now share the story of Alexandra. She was born into a very rich family. Her parents were very busy with their schedules and had engaged many housemaids and nannies to take care of Alexandra. Nannies were really kind and they took good care of her. Growing up Alexandra used to hear a lot of stories of spirits and ghosts from her nannies. In fact, she was the one who always used to request more spirit stories every day. She loved to hear these stories and always used to say that she used to have dreams involving spirits. She never seemed to be afraid of any of these dreams.

She was a studious student and completed her education well. She was not interested in getting a job and used to spend all the time in her big mansion in dreams and most of the time in a happy mood. Her parents started to notice some differences when she told them that she is not interested in marriage, and she didn’t find anyone good enough. They initially brushed it away assuming it was a temporary feeling, but when even after few years she was strongly holding on to the same decision, her parents got worried. They started noticing her closely then. They noticed that she was happy all the time and used to spend a lot of time admiring herself in the mirror and spending time inside her closed bedroom. They wanted to understand her more and got a new maid, as a friend for her. The intention was to understand what is going on inside her mind. The new girl, Sara stayed like a shadow of Alexandra and checked everything she was doing. The only place where Alexandra didn’t allow Sara, was inside her bedroom at night. She always insisted on sleeping alone.

Sara noticed that Alexandra used to chat happily looking at the mirror and occasionally to thin air. She used to be even very shy at times as if she were speaking to her lover. Sara overheard Alexandra saying how much she feels happy to have “him” with her and how much she was waiting for the night. This made her parents concerned and no matter how much they tried Alexandra didn’t allow anyone inside her room at night. One day, as per the instruction by Alexandra’s parents, Sara informed her that she is going to meet a friend and will return only the next day. As planned, Sara hid inside Alexandra’s bedroom the whole day and waited till night. By nighttime Alexandra came in and closed the door behind her.

Hiding behind a cupboard Sara could see and hear everything which was happening. She could see Alexandra hymning a song very happily and changing herself into some very revealing clothes. She seemed to be very happy and then went to her bed to sleep. Within few minutes she slept too. Few hours passed and Sara was in double mind whether to move out of the room and some much need rest. Then suddenly, Sara started hearing sounds. First very soft and then getting stronger and louder. It was moans of pleasure from Alexandra. Sara could see Alexandra was already naked by then and her whole body was violently shaking as if someone was having a wild physical intimacy with her. She was moaning and laughing hysterically and then everything ended after some time. There was total silence and Sara could see Alexandra sleeping peacefully with happiness and content on her face. Sara was shaking with fear when she came out of the room.

Alexandra’s parents brought many psychologists and later an exorcist to bring her out of the situation. Psychologists told them she was having a rare situation called Spectro philia, wherein which one is attracted to ghosts or spirits. Due to this Alexandra was fantasizing about ghosts and was often imagining scenarios involving sexual events between her and spirits. They tried different methods but couldn’t make any difference in Alexandra. Then her parents brought  an exorcist, who after multiple interactions told them that she was deeply fantasized and controlled by Incubus, which is a demon in male form who, according to mythological and legendary traditions lies upon sleeping women to engage in sexual activity with them and Alexandra was deeply in love with it 😊 For her, Incubus was the ultimate man who was giving her all sorts of emotional support  and physical pleasure she can imagine and she was in an inseparable state of mind with him

Whether it was a delusion, Spectro philia or a spirit encounter, the exorcist using his exorcism skills or psychological approach, was successful in removing these thoughts out of Alexandra’s mind in the next few months. But what went away with it was also the absolute bliss Alexandra used to show and feel. Alexandra never showed so much happiness ever then, even though she started going outside and started working. After few years she got married willingly as per her parent’s wish. After her first night, she was found hanging dead in her bedroom, when her husband returned from work, leaving a lot of questions unanswered.

Just a few questions to think about:

The emotion or feeling Alexandra felt, was it, love, in any way??

Do you feel that the physical ecstasy, she was experiencing(imagining), was the main reason why she was obsessed with the whole thing??

Was she really experiencing it, or everything was in her head/mind??

After agreeing to the marriage, why did she commit suicide after night??